Just take a second to think about how life is right now. Is it beautiful? Are you happy? Is everything “perfect”? It might be… But you are probably looking at tomorrow and you are not enjoying it, not the now.
I am someone who -always- lives the tomorrow and never the now. I am in the “now” overthinking for the “tomorrow.” Until life takes away everything you have and you realize how valuable the now was that you took for granted, that you didn’t live because you were in a continuous projection of the future.
My life started breaking down in 2020, I got sick and that affected me physically and mentally, it was COVID season and I was struggling to find a job, yet I had for the first time in my life someone who loved and supported me the way I needed it.
I have struggled with love all my life because how my parent loved me was very particular. They always wanted an amazing life for me and wanted to see me happy but they were never emotionally present. I grew up getting attracted to anyone who reproduced that kind of love even if it destroyed me everyday.
2019, I meet someone. You see when they tell you, you just meet someone and you know. I just knew, I knew he would have an important part of my life, of the woman I was becoming. I never experienced that kind of love—the kind of love where the person becomes your home.
I never was loved with words, never with intensity and presence. He did. It’s like he knew every single broken part of me and god sent him to fix and protect all of them. I learned what love was, how to love, and how to be loved.
I always thought I was never worthy of love, until 2019. I was loved, the way my soul was craving for years, I was happy but scared. I was scared that it would be temporary and he would run because of how broken I was.
I had commitment issues because I never knew how to love or be loved, I was scared to be abandoned again as I felt my parent did with me. But he stayed, even when he saw the worst version of me, he stayed. He loved me, he protected me and he made me his home.
For almost 4 years, he was there. We cried together, we laughed together, we shared every single silly thing about life and I have never been happier. You could feel love km away just by looking at us.
But since life isn’t a fairytale, love isn’t enough, and life has weird ways to take away things from you that make you happy. Because you need to learn, you need to grow. Sometimes breaking free from your comfort zone is necessary to be able to fly higher.
